I realise that THIS BOOK COULD CHANGE YOUR LIFE is a grand statement, and now I’ve decided to put it out there you can bet I am wishing that the book in question was a bit more highbrow. A feminist tome, or something that led me to find fulfilling work with great purpose.
The book in question – which changed MY life, and therefore might also change yours – is…Get The Guy by Matthew Hussey.
Bear with me, sisters.
Let me set a scene for you. In February 2013, my life was a bit all over the shop. Less than six months earlier, I’d left Sydney, Australia, where I’d been living for the previous three years, and returned to my hometown of Hull in East Yorkshire, UK.
I’d left my idyllic life in Bondi Beach and was back in my childhood home, sleeping in my childhood bedroom and wondering what the heck I was doing.
There’s possibly another story for another day with the exact details of what the heck I *did* end up doing. But let’s just say that at that point, pre-Get The Guy aka The Book That Changed My Life, I had no home (of my own), no job and no romantic prospects to speak of.
So what happened next?
My lovely friend Katherine, who still lives in Sydney, sent me a message telling me that I needed to read this book.
I read the book.
And guess what?
I met a guy. The VERY NEXT DAY, no less.
We moved in together, travelled to Australia, bought a house and had a baby. I also started my own business. (Not all on the VERY NEXT DAY, obviously. But still, impressive, eh?)
Frivolous Dating Guide Or Sound Advice For Life?
Before I get chucked out of the sisterhood, I’ll say here that of course I do not think that GETTING A GUY is the be all and end all.
Five and a half years ago, being single was probably the least of my worries, given that I didn’t have a job and was spending every teatime watching Deal or No Deal with my mum and dad. I know it’s difficult to believe I wasn’t beating blokes off with a stick at that point.
Handily, Matthew Hussey’s seemingly frivolous dating guide contained some pretty sound advice that helped me in other areas too, ta very much, such as starting my own business.
I won’t go into too much detail from the book. You might want to check it out yourself, after all, plus my brain has deteriorated a lot since I read it several years ago.
But there are a few key things from it that have stuck with me, such as:
- Women can’t expect men to do all the work when it comes to romantic liaison, mainly because men are just as scared of rejection as women are. Most nice men won’t approach a woman in a bar, for example, without a bit of encouragement first. (A smile will do, they don’t need much.)
- You are a High Value Woman and your time/attention needs to be earned. If you meet a chap on a night out, it’s probably not a great idea to get steaming drunk and fall into bed with him – unless you want to, of course.
- Finding a chap, like many things in life, is a numbers game. Get out there and start conversations. It doesn’t matter who with – it could be a person in the coffee queue, the man behind the bar, the lady in the supermarket, ANYONE. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket or all your hope on one fella, have an ‘abundance’ mindset.
Or Is It Just Common Sense?
Now I’ve written the above, it’s struck me that maybe it’s all pretty obvious common sense. But before reading Get The Guy, I was effectively single for nearly seven years. Seven years! Obviously I’d dated and had various dalliances – love that word – but I lived in two of the world’s busiest, best cities during that period and used to go out with my gorgeous girlfriends ALL THE TIME and we would hardly ever meet men.
It seems obvious now, that a group of four or five girls locked in deep conversation over a bottle or three of wine is not going to be the most appealing nor approachable set-up for most men.
Get The Guy says that you just need to offer a little smile to a chap you like the look of, and if the feeling’s mutual, they might come over, and Bob’s your uncle, sit back and let the sparks fly etc etc.
I remember reading that part and thinking ‘SMILE? At a MAN I don’t know? Are you kidding?”
The Forced Smile And The Horsey Bag
But nothing ventured, nothing gained and all. And so in February 2013, while out in a bar with my sister, I did indeed see a chap I liked the look of. And I clearly remember FORCING myself to smile, even though it felt completely alien to me and very difficult. (What a laugh I must have been, eh?)
LO AND BEHOLD.
The chap came over. I don’t remember his opening gambit, but he’s since told me it was something to do with my ‘horsey bag’ (the £5 Primark bag I had with me, see pic above). He’s always been a smooth operator.
AND THE REST, THEY SAY, IS HISTORY.
(I was concerned that writing the above would make me sound like either a) a smug cow or b) a desperado who ended up with the first bloke she ever dared to smile at. Oh well. I think it was a result of timing, of being in a place where I wanted to settle down – even if I didn’t know it – and of Graham being in a similar situation. And the book, and the horsey bag, and yes the couple of beers I’d had that helped me get that smile out, all helped.)
So thank you Matthew Hussey, and thank you lovely Katherine for the recommendation.
Oh, and I’m not on commission and this isn’t sponsored by the way.
But it probably ought to be.
Bye for now x